Times are hard in the porn industry. They are so hard that Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis are planning to ask Congress for a $5 billion bailout of the adult entertainment industry.
"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly," said Larry Flynt.
I know... Congress will say this is too hard to do. This won't stimulate the economy, and the American people will have no desire to bail out porn. The thought will be enough to make your head throb. We'd rather go about life carelessly blowing Bubbles. But we must do it. We must bail out porn.
Think of the impact if we don't act. Men will be forced to look at their own wives. Wives will have to fend off increased advances from other women's husbands. Camcorder sales will increase dramatically. Children will wonder why their parents now go to bed so early.
Well the porn industry won't take this lying down. They refuse to swallow their pride and let the the economy stick it to them in such an impersonal way. After all, why should porn be brought to its knees? Congress will have to enter this debate, or the American people will get screwed.
Could this all be true, I wondered? I was getting all riled up when the thought occurred to me that this might just be a stunt. Who cares, though. If we can spend money to bail out crappy Chryslers, surely we can lend porn a hand.
Congress, cut em the check. Keep it coming, Larry.
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